Expect Setbacks
Sep 27, 2024
Expect setbacks.
Getting fired.
Breaking up.
Not getting the promotion.
Having a disgruntled employee.
A diagnosis
An ill parent.
A challenge with a child.
A failed project.
A "bad" investment.
But, do not let the setback define you.
Ever.
A setback is part of your story.
It is not THE story.
Unless, you choose for it to be THE story.
And, if you do, I promise you one of these things will happen: you will remain stuck, you will binge on your story, you will indulge in self pity, you will stop trying, you will give up, you will not use the setback as an opportunity for growth, expansiveness, learning, and, that would be a missed shot at an even better future.
I remember an awakening when after a few miscarriages my therapist reminded me that I was not a unicorn. Many women have many miscarriages. She was not unsupportive. She was simply not letting me binge on my story. She was not letting me define my future hope of being a mom by a few setbacks. Nope.
I was wallowing in a pool of self pity and she was like, what are you doing? Why are you defining yourself by a few setbacks?
(For those who love the Disney ending... i remember walking into her office with my tiny baby Caroline in a carrier to introduce them to each other, but also, for Caroline to maybe overhear some wisdom (as a 2 week old....) Being self aware is a family value for us. Tee hee hee.
And then a year later another miscarriage... that I handled with such awareness and openness and acceptance. Merci Julie, my therapist.
What are you telling yourself about not getting the client, a bad review on line, your boss reprimanding you, not crossing the finish line, not getting what you want, blah blah blah...
To overuse a movie term....
What if your setback was a comeback?
What if you stopped telling yourself something went wrong?
What if you let go of a story where you are the victim?
Setback?
Or a chance to learn more about you.
You are a human.
Humans live in the real world.
Humans experience all the feelings.
Humans are not guaranteed a life of ease and perfection.
Somewhere we forgot to teach humans to expect setbacks as part of growing. I am not celebrating that life can be hard or that bad things do happen, but I am inviting you to move past the circumstances on your way to integrating the setback into your fabric instead of letting it stand alone as a way of defining you.
IDEA EXERCISE
Write out your setback story as the victim - as if you have no power over the situation.
Then read it aloud and see how it makes you feel.
Write down those feelings.
Then, rewrite the story from a hero perspective, read it aloud, and again note the feelings. Now, add a new sentence or two to the hero story about next steps...
Some sentence stems to inspire you...
And then .... As a result... Surprise, surprise ...
Shifting from powerless to powerful.
Shifting from something happening to you to something happening for you.
Shifting from "this shouldn't have happened" to "what now?"
Shifting from judging to curiosity.
Shifting from set back to come back.
Ready?
You have this.
And if you need help, let's chat.
Big hugs,
Kristin
P.S. Setbacks I have coached others on in the last year -
Getting fired.
Breaking up.
Not getting the promotion.
Having a disgruntled employee.
A diagnosis
An ill parent.
A challenge with a child.
A failed project.
A "bad" investment.
But, do not let the setback define you.
Ever.
A setback is part of your story.
It is not THE story.
Unless, you choose for it to be THE story.
And, if you do, I promise you one of these things will happen: you will remain stuck, you will binge on your story, you will indulge in self pity, you will stop trying, you will give up, you will not use the setback as an opportunity for growth, expansiveness, learning, and, that would be a missed shot at an even better future.
I remember an awakening when after a few miscarriages my therapist reminded me that I was not a unicorn. Many women have many miscarriages. She was not unsupportive. She was simply not letting me binge on my story. She was not letting me define my future hope of being a mom by a few setbacks. Nope.
I was wallowing in a pool of self pity and she was like, what are you doing? Why are you defining yourself by a few setbacks?
(For those who love the Disney ending... i remember walking into her office with my tiny baby Caroline in a carrier to introduce them to each other, but also, for Caroline to maybe overhear some wisdom (as a 2 week old....) Being self aware is a family value for us. Tee hee hee.
And then a year later another miscarriage... that I handled with such awareness and openness and acceptance. Merci Julie, my therapist.
What are you telling yourself about not getting the client, a bad review on line, your boss reprimanding you, not crossing the finish line, not getting what you want, blah blah blah...
To overuse a movie term....
What if your setback was a comeback?
What if you stopped telling yourself something went wrong?
What if you let go of a story where you are the victim?
Setback?
Or a chance to learn more about you.
You are a human.
Humans live in the real world.
Humans experience all the feelings.
Humans are not guaranteed a life of ease and perfection.
Somewhere we forgot to teach humans to expect setbacks as part of growing. I am not celebrating that life can be hard or that bad things do happen, but I am inviting you to move past the circumstances on your way to integrating the setback into your fabric instead of letting it stand alone as a way of defining you.
IDEA EXERCISE
Write out your setback story as the victim - as if you have no power over the situation.
Then read it aloud and see how it makes you feel.
Write down those feelings.
Then, rewrite the story from a hero perspective, read it aloud, and again note the feelings. Now, add a new sentence or two to the hero story about next steps...
Some sentence stems to inspire you...
And then .... As a result... Surprise, surprise ...
Shifting from powerless to powerful.
Shifting from something happening to you to something happening for you.
Shifting from "this shouldn't have happened" to "what now?"
Shifting from judging to curiosity.
Shifting from set back to come back.
Ready?
You have this.
And if you need help, let's chat.
Big hugs,
Kristin
P.S. Setbacks I have coached others on in the last year -
- Being fired
- Being laid off
- Not being promoted
- Not getting any job offers
- An employee going rogue
- Acknowledging a mis hire and letting the person go
- Burn out
- Getting promoted and feeling like an imposter
- A broken engagement
- A death of a parent
- The impact of a chronic illness on one's business and marriage
- Being betrayed by an colleague
- A company for whom you work closing
- Income dips in one's business
- Closing one's business
- Friction with a boss
- Bored in current job - running in place
Do you relate to any of these? I'm guessing we all can relate to at least one. You are not alone. Promise.